Will Rant for Beer

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Now playing: Jack's Mannequin - Dark Blue


I guess the people of this world will never cease to provide me with cannon fodder to blow them up. I have issues with a lot of things in and around here, and I guess you’re the lucky ones who get to hear about them today. So buckle up for a fun ride.
Issue number 1) Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking fuckety fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fook. Fish. Fuck. Fuck.
There, I said it more times than you ever could in a single sentence. Now, stop saying it. The word is overrated, and using it twenty three times, every time you open your mouth is not the female equivalent of ejaculation. So shut the ‘fuck’ up. Yes, I am talking to you, you and you. You know who you are, and if you don’t stop using the word so often, I will refer you to the evil elves again. (Please read the previous post for the reference.)

Issue number 2) Yeah, I’m online a lot. And yeah, I still do have a life; I choose not to live it too much to interact with the fools and trollops that waste your time. Anyway, coming back to the burning issue at hand – I came across this status message on Gtalk the other day – “Watching Juno (for the nth time), but that doesn't mean that you can disturb me..” – And the reaction that it evoked in me would put most drunk Irishmen to shame.
Pertinent question number one: Why are you watching that godforsaken movie for the nth time? It’s the suckiest piece of lame shit in a long time, and I am still wondering how it bypassed “The Assassination of Jesse James” for a spot at the Oscars? I mean, why in the name of patheticl glam rock from the late 90s would you want to keep a baby from an accidental pregnancy in high school and fore-go 9 precious months of promiscuity?
Pertinent question number two: Has no one told you the benefits of a “Sign Out” button? If not, here’s a crash course – it signs you out.
For a dictionary definition of the phrase, click here – sign out.
Lamest piece of shit ever man! If you don’t want people to IM you, get the hell off that chat client. It’s called a chat client because it helps people talk to each other on this certain innovative invention called the internet. Next. Time. Just. Do. It. Sign out. I know you can.

Issue number 3) This one is to all the ladies – stop being real bitches. To each other. To me. To other guys. To your parents. And to your pets. Really. Stop. Stop begging for attention. Stop telling your friends that this certain is really in to you if he’s talking to you. And if a certain guy asks you to stop sending him the ‘kiss’ emoticon, that’s when you know your time is up. Beat it, while you can, in a graceful way. That’s what the world expects. Next.

Issue number 4) For those who’ve seen Shoot 'Em Up, this joke should be fairly easy to understand. “You know what I really hate?” Feminists today. It’s surprising how this breed of women can make an open minded guy, who is all for female equality squirm and barf all his bile when he reads something about their ‘cause’. Oh shut the fuck up! And this time, do it for good. There is no male ego that you have to contend with, there is nothing like the female forging through, there is Santa Claus. No wait, that's not true. There's a Santa, and his green helpers. It's all true. What isn't true is feminism. HOGWASH!
And before all the lovely ladies I know start throwing their stuff at me, here’s a thought – if the woman was really so empowered today why is the ratio of successful women entrepreneurs so dismal. You want to tell me about Indra Nooyi and Martha Stewart, (two whole women!), well here’s a thought bitch, in the Medieval Ages, there were Joan of Arc and Queen Victoria (wow, two whole women again!), so that much for your progress report on female empowerment.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am not against women, or their liberation. I am just fed up of shenanigans. Society in today’s day and age is individualistic, and no where is that more evident than among the fairer sex where I personally know two cousins who are pretty close to each other who have dated the same guy, in quick and rapid succession. It is indeed every girl for herself. For further proof refer one of these badly made films – Mean Girls, John Tucker Must Die, etc.
Sigh. So much to say, so little time. Anyway, my phone isn’t working too well, so I’m off to get that fixed. Laters.
Enjoy.



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Now playing: Jack's Mannequin - Mixed Tape